I think it has taken my entire life to learn this most valuable lesson. And I think it’s still very much a journey for me. While on a recent spiritual Retreat I discovered a LOT of things about myself. I reflected, prayed, meditated and discovered a great many revelations. One of them is that because you were raised to think and believe a certain way, doesn’t mean you have to accept it nor continue thinking and/or believing it.
A lot of us heard some fairly similar things as kids didn’t we – “money doesn’t grow on trees”, “don’t get your hopes up too much”, “what do you think I am – a bank”. Sound familiar? I heard this same stuff too. It’s not that my Mother and/or Grandfather were ‘doom and gloomers’ but just cautious I think. I would argue that most people are. When we experience the trials and tribulations of life in general, we can tend to allow it to get us down from time to time. Sometimes longer.
My Mother was always especially cautious. She had a pretty tough life so I can certainly understand why and empathize with the way she sees the world. What I have learned to realize though, is that I don’t have to be that way. She trained me to expect the best but prepare for the worst. To some degree I still practise that methodology but slowly I am transforming my beliefs to really believing that I will receive the best. I am a very analytical person – I guess that’s why I did so well in insurance for all the years I worked in that industry. Even the most basic of decisions I tend to research, research, research. I like to cover all bases. It is a reflection I suppose of being cautious, but I do make decisions based on calculated risks. And I do take risks. My Mother never has I don’t think. And that is not to be taken in a negative light at all – she is perfectly happy with her life. She is just particularly risk-averse. Some people are. Maybe most people are.
I used to really believe that nothing great would ever happen to me. On the outer, I would be all enthusiasm and excitement, but on the inner I really felt that I was not good enough to win that tennis tournament or secure that dream job or be able to buy that car I had been dreaming about owning for so long or live in that amazing home. I was fairly convinced that nothing really exceptional would ever happen. BUT, it was possible. And I guess that small little campfire still burned and I’ve learned over the years to just keep fanning it. And now, needless to say, my life is much different as a result.
The big thing I did, however, inherit from my Mother is worry. I do tend to be a bit of a worry wart which is completely crazy when you rationalize the behaviour. Worry really is the entire antithesis of the Law of Attraction. It’s incredibly negative and does nothing in drawing towards you what you really want. In fact, it pushes it away. It tells God/the Universe that they got it wrong. How can that be? It’s like a rocking chair – it gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere. It steals any semblance of creativity and joy and actually misuses your imagination. And from a statistical perspective, did you know that only 40% of the things we worry about never actually happen? 30% of what we worry about has already occurred and we can’t do anything about them? 12% are needless worries about health? 10% are just plain petty issues? The final 8% are real worries – 4% of which can can’t do much about and the remaining 4% we can? So why expend so much energy on a mere 4%??? It’s nuts right?
So I implore you to test this. In the same way as flexing and relaxing a muscle, I want you to really worry about something in your life right now. Write down everything associated with this issue in your life together with the corresponding emotion. Put down on paper every little thing that could go wrong with this thing you are worried about. But be sure that it is an actual event so that this can measured. Once the event has come and gone, go back to what you wrote down. How much of what you worried about actually came about? I bet you anything, hardly any of it. What about sharing what you found? I would love to hear your experience with this. But I want you to do the exercise. Believe me, you will discover either immediately or by repeating this exercise over time that things never really end up as bad as the image you paint in your mind. Just remember that the word fear is actually an acronym – False Evidence Appearing Real. So when you re-visit your laundry list of stuff you worried about, I can pretty much guarantee that most of it was just perceived or imaginary ‘threats’ that were just never going to happen. Have fun with this and I hope you find it transforming.
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