I learned a very valuable lesson recently. And to be fair – I’m still learning it. I think all learning is a journey to be honest – you never fully appreciate the truth of every lesson. A few weeks ago I attended a day seminar about allowing your inner brilliance to shine out. I didn’t really have any particular expectations about the event truthfully and I felt that way deliberately as I didn’t want to walk out at the end of the day disappointed if I didn’t get what I wanted to get out of it. So I walked in with a completely open mind – totally in the moment and willing to accept whatever came. What did come to me was completely unexpected.
Now I could on and on and on here but I’ll keep it short. You see I had a pretty traumatic upbringing. Rejection, death, severe illness, bullying, abandonment, abuse – you name it and I’ve probably endured it. What I didn’t realize was how very deep I had buried all of the feelings associated with all of the negative stuff that happened to me. I’ve always prided myself on how I had dealt with it all – and on my own largely. I never sought the advice of therapists, psychiatrics, psychologists – whatever. And I thought I had done a pretty good job. But hindsight is always 20/20 isn’t it? In my 20s I escaped to the opposite side of the country to get as far away from the people who harmed me as possible. And I buried myself – quite literally – in my work. I worked 7 days a week and sometimes 16 hours a day. I had no life. Plenty of money – but no time to enjoy any of it. In my 30s I got married and lived an outwardly happy life. I went into business for myself just before my 30th birthday, got married at 31, was debt-free by 33 and owned two properties freehold, had a son at 34 and was rather successful – or what looked to be that way. By the time I hit 38, I realized something was seriously wrong. By the age of 39 I had a miscarriage, a family that disowned me, my marriage was over and I was teetering on the edge of a nervous breakdown dealing with a severely Autistic child.
So what does any of this have to do with the event I attended a few weeks ago? Well everything. That single cataclysmic event was like a massive download of almost every memory of every little trauma I had suffered as a child. And in that moment, I realised I really was stuffed and I had to do something about it. It was affecting my success in business, my relationships with everyone around me and my ability to be consistent, reliable and actually obtain outcomes for both myself and my clients. I was feeling unfulfilled and that is why I attended this event. And it really was the best decision I think I have made to date (obviously aside from having children and being with my current partner).
So the moral of this post is to really recognize what exactly is holding you back. It will almost always be something that occurred in your past – more than likely in your childhood. Sometimes you just have to be brutally honest with yourself and accept the fact that you may need a bit of help to smash through whatever that blockage is. Digging deep is not exactly a painless exercise but if you are wanting to kick goals in your life and business, then it’s absolutely essential to feel that pain and move through it – whichever way you find works best for you. For me it was finding this gal who ran this particular event. Sometimes you have sit down with yourself and confront some seriously f&*cked up stuff. But in the long term it will be worth it. Your future self is depending on you to just get it done. If you want different results, then you have to do something differently and confronting those demons is the first step of the process. Believe me – the pain will be worth everything.
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